Chapter Six Claim your inheritance

Chapter Six

Claim your inheritance

Families the world over often have bitter experiences when there is an inheritance at stake.

Gina Rinehart, estimated at one stage to be the world’s richest woman, was involved in an acrimonious fourteen-year lawsuit with her stepmother over her father’s estate. Afterwards her own children became involved in a bitter dispute with her over the inheritance they were to receive from the trust in their grandmother’s name.

Bitter inheritance disputes need not involve billions of dollars. Even paltry sums of a few thousand dollars can get messy as benefactors claim what they believe belongs to them. However, with God, we can rest in the knowledge that the inheritance we have in Him will be bequeathed to us exactly as promised.

The Fifth Commandment

“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you”—Exodus 20:12.

This seems a straightforward commandment. All we have to do is honor our mother and father and, as a consequence of this, God will give us land, and we will live longer than otherwise expected.

The Concept of Honor

Let us have a look at this commandment and see what God is really saying. The Ten Words of God are more than just simple rules for children to live by. As we have seen in the previous commandments, there is much deeper meaning implicit in these statements of what God requires of his people, and all people, if they are to be numbered among those who belong to Him and have entered from death into life.

The word “honor” means to show respect and acknowledgment for someone that is worthy of the accolade.

To claim someone is worthy of honor when they are not really worthy of such recognition is to deceive and bear false witness. People do this all the time. They flatter, exaggerate, and falsely honor people for personal gain or public approval; but not to honor God. In fact, by doing this, God is dishonored.

A funeral of a man I attended left me bewildered. Here was a man being declared by church ministers and leaders within the Christian community as a holy saint. In fact, going by what these people were saying about him, I got the impression that he was a man who lived a life so close to being Christ-like, he was faultless. The truth is he was a divorced minister, who would get drunk with his girlfriend, whom he had been having a sexually intimate relationship with for two years, prior to suddenly dying of a heart attack. Essentially, these Christian leaders were saying wrongdoing is good, which is evil in the sight of God. These Christian leaders were either deceived by the man, or they were knowingly offering false accolades and using God themselves as some kind of genie, who they would call upon when they were having a spot of bother. This is not honoring God. This is honoring the sins of our parents.

If we were to say that this man was honoring his parents, then we could concur with the following definition of honor:

To show honor to our parents is to demonstrate our appreciation for what they have done for us by acknowledging them with such high esteem that we consider ourselves privileged to identify with them and follow in their footsteps.

Whether we like it or not, we Christians are more inclined to identify with the sins of our parents, rather than the righteousness of God, whose name, as revealed in our Lord Jesus Christ, we claim as our identity.

Five Deity and Five Societal Commands

 The significance of this commandment goes beyond just honoring our parents because they are our parents. This commandment is the fifth commandment that mentions GOD. There are five commandments that do not mention God; these are essentially people to people commandments. Although, the Decalogue is often said to have four commandments that apply to God and six that apply to man.[i]  This view is typical of the misinterpretation that occurs so often when people twist the Scriptures to their own understanding. Although, it is easy to see why people think that the fifth commandment applies to man and not to God. However, Sabbath-keepers who insist on people keeping one day of the week for salvation, will also insist that this commandment applies to man and not God. The truth is the first five commandments apply to our relationship with God and the second five apply to our relationships with other people.  The mere fact that there is no reference to God in last five commandments highlights this. This commandment states God is the one who is giving the land as an inheritance, not our mother or father.

The Fifth Commandment in Perspective

According to Jesus, everyone who does the will of God is His mother, brother and sister (Matthew 12:50). There is really no distinction among humans between parents and brothers and sisters, once people see each other as God does. Therefore, while the fifth commandment refers to one’s parents, it is really a reference to God. This is the case, even though this is a kind of bridging commandment that applies to both God and man. In fact, this commandment is about our roots—how we have come to exist.

A Man and Woman Mystery

Biologically, we are the offspring of our father and mother, but this is not necessarily so psychologically, or socially, and definitely not the case, spiritually. God is the creator of all things and when we are born, we are born a living soul, just like all the other creatures on this planet. However, God puts a spirit within us. How God does this exactly; we do not know. Nevertheless, God does put a spirit within us and this is what distinguishes us from animals.

God created the first man in His image. This does not necessarily mean that the first man, Adam, physically looked like God, but that he reflected his Creator. To do this, Adam needed to be a spirit being. Actually, when it says God created man in His image, Genesis chapter one, verse twenty-seven says, “…in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” What this means is the true image of God is two spirit beings living in unison. The Bible teaches that God is One God. The Father and the Son are One. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are also One. Therefore, the image of God is in the unity. This is about two becoming one. The apostle Paul says concerning a man and a woman, that the two becoming one is a great mystery:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  ^“This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32).

There is a mystery here which requires us to accept that which is revealed and simply let what we fail to comprehend be considered as probably unnecessary for us to know. However, what is necessary for us to know, God has already revealed. It is necessary for us to know that God requires a man and a woman to become one in what they do, so that they might have power over the Devil, and live as kings and queens on Earth. Unfortunately, in most instances, this is not the case, but this need not be so, if we are willing to trust and obey and to do the will of God, which is what this commandment is all about.

The Purpose of Existence

Acknowledging our roots means that we recognize that God is the Creator and there is a purpose for our existence. If there is no Creator, there is no purpose for being here on Earth. If the Universe came into being from some chance event as the result of chaotic molecules crashing into each other, it is rather amazing that the molecules have been able to organize themselves into life forms with their many stable systems. When we consider how many systems that exist within the ecology of the planet, this is amazing in itself. When we further consider that the Moon revolves (2288 mph) around the planet Earth which spins (1044 mph) around its axis and orbits (67,000 mph) around the Sun on a regular basis, and has been doing this not just for one or two years, but for thousands of years, it is rather inconceivable that there is not a Creator. Mathematically, it is impossible for there not to be an Omniscient Being who has set in place principles, and biological and genetic mechanisms, so that life can exist and reproduce. Commonsense tells us there is a purpose for our being on Earth, and we need to discover our reason for being here.

Since we did not ask to be born, then those who brought us into the world are responsible for telling us why we exist. From the first man and woman down the line, the true reason for our existence is we live to glorify God. Unfortunately, sin has made this truth obscure. This is why God has needed to intervene and put the reason for our existence in written form with His own handwriting (Ex. 32:16, 34:1; Deut. 5:22; 10:4 cf. Ex. 32:32-33; Ez. 18:21-24; Eph. 3:9-11). The Decalogue says that if we honor our father and mother, we will live long in the land that the Lord our God gives us. In doing this, we honor God and bring glory to His name. However, there are some qualifications to this.

How to Qualify for Parental Honor

If our mother were a prostitute and a drug addict, and our father were a pimp and drug dealer who has murdered people and thinks nothing about stealing, bearing false witness, or showing disregard for other people, we might have some difficulty honoring either of our parents. This is because their lives have not produced much of worth to honor.

If our parents were negligent and physically beat us and mistreated us emotionally, always putting us down, then we would have difficulty showing them the respect due to someone who loved us and wanted the best for us in our lives. Yet many people do copy their parents and do what they do, because, in their ignorance, they see this as the best way to survive. Even if we all have a tendency to copy our parents, the truth is we all realize that certain events produce good feelings within us; while various actions by certain persons elicit hatred towards the ethnicity, culture, religion, socio-economic grouping or authority with whom they may identify. In the main, we will only honor people for the good they do, not for their evil acts.

If our mother and father take an interest in helping us to become the best person we could possibly be and do their best to achieve this, then we will honor them accordingly. Although, if we are raised in a culture where we are expected to honor our mother and father because they are blood, we will do this regardless of their faults. In doing this, we will discover that we will be inclined to perpetuate the same sins that our parents commit. However, we will find that we are only prepared to show limited honor to our parents. What appears to be honor is more about our roots and trying to justify our existence from a human perspective rather than seeking God’s perspective and what is true and just.

It is difficult to justify our existence from God’s perspective if we have no knowledge of God, or possess only limited knowledge about God. Whereas, if we know God as Lord, it becomes easier to put everything into perspective and honor our parents for who they are and what they have done for us. However, we do not need to honor our parents’ failings, and neither should we deny them; rather we can honor our parents for the good that they have done for us—and this alone is all that is required from us.

Jesus Perspective on Family

When Jesus was confronted about who His brothers and sisters and mother were, he was quite clear about where He stood. Effectively, Jesus denied His mother when He said that those who hear the word of God and do it are those whom He will identify with and honor. To quote Scripture:

“Then his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside, they sent to him and called him. A crowd was sitting around him; and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside, asking for you.” And he replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother”(Mark 3:31-35).  

 Jesus went on to say elsewhere:

“So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven. ”Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:32-39).

The obvious point Jesus is making here is those who want to do dishonorable things are not worthy of Him or the Father. If we want to honor our parents rather than do the will of God, then Jesus will deny us before our Father in Heaven.

At times, the Bible seems so unreasonable, and this is why it is so easy for us to question its authority. What we do not like to hear or read, we simply do not acknowledge. However, if we want to be acknowledged by God, we need to acknowledge Him, not just in words but also in our ways. I suppose it is really God’s way or the dreaded road to the horrors of Hell. For the Christian, there is a song that says it all:

“I want God’s way to be my way, every moment of the day. For there is no other highway that a child of God should know. Though the way is steep and rough, that it’s God’s way, that’s enough. I want God’s way to be my way, every day”

 God’s way is the Holy Way; it is the only highway the redeemed should know
(Isaiah 35:8-10).

Earthly Mother and Eternal Father

A number of decades ago, an acquaintance of mine took pleasure in experimenting with different types of amphetamines, barbiturates, and hallucinogens; ingesting both naturally occurring and synthetic varieties. He encouraged his brother to do the same. His mother was told that her sons were experimenting with drugs, but she challenged the person making the statement and declared her children did not take drugs. Some weeks later, she had cause to come and see me. When she was talking to me, she told me that she knew God better than I ever would, and I had no right to discuss religion or even suggest to her that she or any member of her family ought to seek God. Within thirty minutes of her leaving my place, she sent her son Brian to visit me. He was one of the sons experimenting with drugs. He verbally abused me and told me that I had no right to suggest that his mother needed to know God and then, looking up at the ceiling with his finger raised, he challenged God, saying that if God is alive, he would rather be dead than know Him. 

Brian had been exposed to the Bible, good preaching and wonderful Christian people. He had gone through the sinner’s prayer, attended church and even gone up to the sinner’s bench to confess sin after having professed asking Jesus Christ into his life. Yet here he was experimenting with drugs and spurning the blood of Christ.

Some months earlier, I had heard a preacher testify to how twenty bikies challenged God at one of his gospel meetings in the 1950s, saying they would rather die on their bikes than serve God. The preacher said that within one year, every one of the bikies had received their request, and each one had died on his bike in a road accident.

When I heard Brian say what he did, I thought that if what I had heard the preacher say were true, Brian would be dead within a year.

Tragically, it was not long before the arrogant foul-mouthed Brian obtained his request from God—he was hit by a car, when high on drugs, and was found dead in the morgue, after having been missing for a number of days.

 One of this woman’s other sons, decided that he would seek Jesus Christ, and asked God to reveal Himself to him. Upon having acknowledged feeling a wonderful presence come upon him when he asked Jesus Christ to come into his life as his personal Savior, he decided to read the Bible. He took the Bible home to read. His mother told him that he had to put her before God or leave. He chose to honor his mother rather than God; but because of what happened to his brother, he decided not to take illegal drugs again; instead, today, he is an alcoholic—much to his mother’s chagrin and shame.

Honoring our parents is commendable when done in accordance with the will of God, but not when it comes to disregarding God. If our parents would have us sin; it is far better that we acknowledge the Eternal Father and Lord Jesus Christ as our true source of life. Even Jesus put His mother on the same level as anyone else; there was no pedestal for her. She has a place in the family of God as we all do—providing we do the will of God.

Essentially, we do not owe anybody anything, because we never asked to be born. However, we do owe it to ourselves to find out why we were born and what God would expect us to do on Earth.

The Effects of Environment

When we are born, we may grow up in an environment that could change a lot, or we might be in an environment that does not change much at all; much depends on the society and culture into which we are born. Today, though, cultures are changing. We can expect to see much more change than what we would have seen in years gone by. This is particularly so if we had been born into a tribe living in the South American jungle, or the African plains or the New Guinea highlands or the Himalayas; or into a village in China, India, South East Asia or one of the Pacific Islands. Yet, while the world is changing, there is much that stays the same—as the saying goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Children still require a mother and a father, even though same-sex couples are attempting to change this and make procreation a test-tube event. Regardless of any technological intervention, children will still go through the stages of growth that all children go through to become an adult, for this is how God has biologically programmed us.

The stages of maturation or growing older are universal, except that nutrition and education play a major part in the process. Poor nutrition means susceptibility to various illnesses or diseases, learning disabilities, and an early death; a lack of education will limit people’s ability to appreciate the world around them and to develop their knowledge of themselves and their social and physical environment.

What really happens, regardless of where we are born, is our environment will largely affect us. How we learn to respond to what happens around us socially, depends on the belief system we develop. Our belief system is the result of how we interpret events and reinforce our thinking and attitudes by those interpretations.

Spiritually, we are placed into a world governed by sin. God’s eyes roam the Earth, and He is watching to see what we will decide when presented with situations that require us to make a decision about what is right and what is wrong (Pr. 15:3; Rom. 8:27; 2:1-11).

Initially, we will look to members of our family to copy. Then we will start to see that some people do things differently to how members of our family do things. As long as it does not involve breaking God’s commandments, there is no problem; but little things such as wanting what our brother or sister or mother or father has, and then deciding to take the item without asking, is bordering on sinfulness. As we grow older, we might notice that our older siblings or our mother or father do something but they disallow us the right to do the same thing. Initially, we might be only modeling them when we copy them, but then there will come a time when we will have to ask whether what we are doing is right or wrong. This happens when we do something that we know we really should not be doing because our parents have told us not to do it—but we do it anyway. Our parents then find out that something is damaged, and they ask us if we did what we were told not to do. We say we did not do it, and cast aspersions elsewhere; like trying to blame the dog or the cat or the local burglar. At this point, the issue of right or wrong comes to the fore. We will find our conscience pricks us. At this time, if we fight our conscience, we will begin to lose some of our ability to make sound moral decisions.

When children begin to dishonor their parents in little things by being disobedient they are breaking the fifth commandment. When children try to deceive their parents, they are doing more than breaking the fifth commandment. God wants children to respect their parents so that they may learn to be humble and acknowledge that those who have gone before them know more than they do. Eventually, this should lead children to realize that God Himself, Who brought everyone into being in the first place, is omniscient.

When the Archangel Lucifer decided to challenge God, his moment of blindness caused him to overlook one simple fact—that His Creator knows more than he does, because He existed before him. The deception of sin causes people to overlook the fact that those who have lived longer generally know more than the younger—rarely is it a case of young shoulders, old head. The combination is as scarce as chicken teeth.

When it comes to young children and their parents, this is certainly the case; the parents know more than their children do. Parents who love their children teach them right from wrong, and show them why it is better to obey than disobey. This is how children learn to honor their parents in a positive manner that creates a desire to respect their parents from an appreciation that is found in genuine love.

In the event parents wrongfully punish their children, this can cause a sense of injustice if not dealt with appropriately. When children are punished, they need to be shown some principles of justice, if, truly, they are to respect and honor their parents. Children find it much easier to obey and appreciate their parents when they are shown that mercy triumphs over judgment, and ignorance is forgiven. When the children become parents, they will also understand another chance can be given to their own children, when needed—rather than punishment—so their children can demonstrate their willingness to obey and appreciate the benefit of knowledge because of the love that has been shown to them.

The Concept of Teenager

After the Second World War, the concept of teenager was developed and advertisers targeted this group. For Lucifer, the god of this world, who is the Prince of the Power of the Air at work in the minds of the disobedient, this has proven a great way to divide and conquer the family unit, so that teenagers see themselves as a separate social grouping, distinct from parents and prepubescent children. This has created a rebelliousness that has resulted in a rupture of social cohesion, where many teenagers seem to think they can do whatever they like without consequence. Politicians in many jurisdictions have further reinforced this mindset by legislating that children under the age of eighteen are minors and are therefore exempt from punishment. The corrosion of accountability is compounded when legislation has made it unlawful for parents to use (what is sometimes referred to as) the board of education[ii] as a means of control when their children repeatedly misbehave and refuse to comply with civility.[iii] Consequently, young teenagers, and even preteen children, are stealing, drug-dealing, vandalizing and committing criminal acts of violence exempt from fear of punishment. It is as if the concept of teenage years has turned into the cult of the unruly teenage leers—with Lucifer at the helm in the spiritual realm.

The Process of Maturation

Maturation, which is often called “growing up”, goes through a number of processes that have been identified as common to all individuals. The obvious divisions of maturation are adult and child. We can divide not only adult into young adult and elder, but also child into teen and pre-teen. The teenager can be further divided into young teen and youth, and the pre-teen into school age and pre-school age. The pre-school age children also can be divided into baby and child, which can also be further divided into older child and toddler, and new-born baby and older baby. The different classifications do not stop there. The maturation process has different aspects of development such as physical, intellectual, psychological, social, and spiritual. Children begin life on Earth totally dependent upon their mother, and then they grow to discover significant others who have an important affect upon their lives as they grow towards becoming independent (or, more accurately within society, interdependent) adults.

The Promise

There is a tremendous truth associated with the fifth commandment. The apostle Paul says that this is the first commandment with a promise. The promise is that when children obey their parents in the Lord, all will be well with them, and they will live long on planet Earth.

The promise is not associated with merely obeying one’s parents, but obeying the Lord. What this means is that we do not obey our parents if what they are asking us to do or believe is contrary to what the Lord God requires of us. The Book of Ephesians tells us:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—this is the first commandment with a promise: ‘so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:1-4).

There is also the wider meaning of obeying our parents in the Lord. Contrary to what many might like to believe, there are also spiritual parents (erroneously termed Godparents at baby baptisms) who are responsible for those whom they bring to salvation, or when it comes to elders, are adopted parents, who become the spiritual oversight of a fellowship or congregation. It is profitable to obey these people in the Lord, and not to be divisive and act contrary to the spirit of unity, especially if these elders are performing the tasks of true shepherds.[iv]  This is confirmed for us all in the book of Hebrews, which says:

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” (Hebrews 13:17)

The same principle that can be applied to leaders in the church also needs to be realized regarding children’s natural parents. Parents who love their children are keeping watch over them knowing they will have to give an account of what they have done before God. However, children, who are disobedient, will not reap the rewards that are available for those who love and obey their parents.

Fathers Not To Provoke Anger

In the book of Ephesians, chapter six, as quoted above, fathers are admonished not to provoke their children to anger, but rather to instruct them in the way of God, so they might know what is right to do. This also applies to the mother. Unfortunately, today, far too many parents in Western society are seen losing their tempers with their children; rather than providing them with profitable instruction and a worthy role model to imitate. Instead, of educating their children in the benefits of godly wisdom, the parents are having their buttons pressed by their children, who are learning that if they want an immediate reward, it pays to provoke their parents. Many children find that this is especially effective when done in public. This is because the parents are at a loss with what to do and have no control over their children.

Growth of Child Abuse

Paradoxically, the very laws designed to protect children from abusive parents and child exploitation have enabled children to abuse and manipulate their parents without punishment, because they can exploit these laws to their own advantage. In many jurisdictions, if a parent resorts to punitive measures, the child can simply contact a government agency, which will then proceed to convict the parent for child abuse, while neglecting to attend to the child’s real needs. Tragically, many children become parents and abuse their own children, even though they themselves in their own homes had not been abused as children, whereas according to the US Department of Health and Human Services,[v] only thirty per cent of child abuse victims go on to abuse their own children as parents. What this means is seventy per cent of the abused victims refuse to abuse their children. If only thirty percent of abused children go on to abuse their own children as parents, the incidence of child abuse should be decreasing dramatically every decade; instead, it is escalating at a rate that appears to have nearly doubled in fourteen years since 1998. The problem has nothing to do with being disciplined and, if need be, punished from a godly perspective within a biblical framework of rearing children. The problem of increasing rates of child abuse has to do with children growing up undisciplined, not being punished appropriately for bad behavior, and believing they are unaccountable for their actions. Hence, instead of being loving and caring, they refuse to be responsible for their own abuse and neglect of the very children they have brought into this world as parents.

Rite of Passage

Every child has needs as he or she grows up. God has equipped every mother and father with the means by which these needs can be met. The mother is able to nurture the child as a baby. As a toddler, the child will still be looking to the mother, but also become more aware of the father’s existence. Sooner or later, the child becomes aware of both parents and how they require the child to behave. In what are described as more primitive societies, the mothers usually look after both the girls and the boys until the boys are considered old enough to be taught by the men. There is usually a rite of passage about this time, where the boys are acknowledged as young men and have their identity within the community affirmed as responsible individuals worthy of respect. Likewise, the girls have a rite of passage (often called “secret women’s business”) whereby they are recognized as young woman and have their womanhood affirmed. Unfortunately, sophisticated modern societies, such as we see today, do not have such a simple dichotomy of social recognition, where one day a boy or girl is declared that he or she is no longer a child, but an adult and worthy to be acknowledged as a significant member of the community.

Developmental Child Psychology

As a child grows into an adult, there are six stages that have been identified by Eric Erickson, which need to be entered and exited in a fulfilling manner for true maturity to take place. The first stage is that of trust versus mistrust. The second stage is where the child needs to learn autonomy rather than shame and doubt. The third stage is that where autonomy begets initiative rather than guilt. The fourth stage is where the child builds on what initiative has been exercised and finds fulfillment in becoming industrious and exhibiting self-confidence and self-mastery rather than feeling inferior. The child then enters puberty and has to discover new truths about life and personal bodily transformation, or lack of it, which brings about identity issues and a self-consciousness that previously did not exist, which can very quickly manifest in rebellion against authority and the status quo. The outcome of puberty leads to the child entering the later years of youth seeking intimacy and finding a fulfilling role as parent, or being isolated from a sense of meaningful existence and struggling to find meaning in life.

The Permissive Society

There are differences in cultures. Western society is evidencing more violence and a lack of self-control among teenagers; which appears to be the result of the permissiveness that prevails within social life. This does not necessarily mean that young people do not acknowledge their roots; rather that the disjointedness of age-related peer groups, which form the basis of modern society, tends to isolate and alienate many teenagers from their parents and authority.

In societies where the culture is not as sophisticated as that of the industrialized countries and children are not placed into schools where they are conditioned towards thinking in terms of age groups, family life is the place of learning. In these societies, there is a greater attachment to parents, the elders within the community and their traditional roots.

An Experiment in Child Development 

Jean Leidloff wrote a book entitled The Continuum Concept. In this book, she documented her observations of a Venezuelan tribe of Indians with whom she lived for some time. What she observed was the natural process whereby children grew up within a society in which anxiety and frustration were unknown. The men and women had defined roles and competition was something that was not encouraged. Nobody was required to do anything other than what he or she saw was needed. The parents were the role models for the children, and as the children grew older, they simply played together and helped wherever required; but only when they were shown what to do. When it came time for pubescent boys to leave the camp, the boys would see the tribal elder waiting for them in the forest and eventually would decide to leave the females and prepubescent boys and follow the tribal elder as part of the rite of passage. There was no aggression or insistence that the boys leave the camp. Evidently, each boy would become bolder and commit to his decision by venturing further away, sometimes over a period of days until he was with the elder and the camp with the women and children was out of view. The young girls grew up within the camp to become young woman and mothers.

After reading Jean Liedloff’s book, a social worker, related to me by marriage, decided to use the idea of the continuum concept to raise her son. She breast fed her son until he was three years of age and carried him on her back until she could not carry him anymore. Her son proved to be a pleasant, mild-mannered boy, who did quite well at school and did not have any of the difficulties many other children seemed to have. Unfortunately, the woman died when the boy was about twelve years of age. At the age of twenty, the last time I saw him, this boy, now a young man, exhibited that he was confident, in control of his circumstances and satisfied with life, having become engaged to be married.

The experiment conducted by this social worker in raising her son to replicate the experience of the Venezuelan Indians proved the value of letting go, and being let go, as a natural consensual process between mother and child, rather than pushing her child away before he was ready to let go. Being in a Western social setting, the fact the social worker’s child exhibited a peaceful self-assuredness, and no signs of an identity crisis in his teenage years, supports the idea that the maturation process requires each child to evolve through the processes, naturally, like a snake or lizard sheds it skin, as it grows bigger and older. When a child does not complete the God-designed evolutionary process through each stage of his or her natural psychosocial development, underdevelopment (in terms of self-mastery) and psychological maladjustments start to become problems, because future maturation starts to have restrictions rather than becoming truly full and rich. However, this does not mean each individual is no longer accountable for behavior or actions. For each child has a conscience and is capable of determining right from wrong.

Developing a Worldview

The age where children begin to learn right from wrong is usually the toddler age (18mths-3yrs). This is where toilet training and parental patience often come into conflict. According to Erickson, shaming is often the means within various societies that develops a preconscious conscience within children. This is the age known as the terrible twos. Children develop either a sense of autonomy, which is often regarded as rebelliousness, or a sense of shame or doubt, and this is often perceived as stubbornness. In the main, children do appear to be conditioned by their environment, which is largely governed by their parents. However, this does not mean the parents are to be totally blamed for their children becoming rebellious, even if poor parenting is a significant factor.

When we grew as children, we formed ideas about the world around us. These ideas formed what is known as our personal worldview, which is largely influenced by how we see the world through the interactions we have had with our parents and (if we had any) older brother(s) and sister(s) and, usually to a lesser extent, other significant people in our lives (playmates, relatives, schoolteachers, coaches, etc.). Our worldview is really our belief system and, more often than not, is based on attitudes rather than clear thinking.

Attitudes develop along the lines that if people did kind things to us when children, they would be liked, while the people who did nasty things to us would be disliked.

Nonetheless, our thinking about our father and mother, and how we have come to perceive them, will have largely affected our attitudes and shaped our belief system. We may have come to see our parents as grown-ups we needed to respect out of fear; or kind persons whom we respect out of love; or just people we should show respect for because they are our mothers and fathers; or maybe individuals not worthy of our respect. How we see our own mother and father will shape our thinking of other people, life and God.

For example, one person I met claimed he became a Christian because he thought God was angry with him. Later on, he revealed that his own father was always angry with him, because he would do wrong things; consequently, he saw God as an angry father figure. Whereas I have always seen God as somebody who loves me because I grew up in an environment where those whom I adopted as parents[vi] showed love to me, in that whatever I received was for my good.

We Learn From What We Have Lived

The truth is children learn what they live and Dorothy Law Nolte reflects this perceptively in her timeless poem:

If your child lives with criticism, your child learns to condemn.
If your child lives with hostility, your child learns to fight.
If your child lives with ridicule, your child learns to be shy.
If your child lives with shame, your child learns to feel guilty.
If your child lives with tolerance, your child learns to be patient.
If your child lives with encouragement, your child learns confidence.
If your child lives with praise, your child learns to appreciate.
If your child lives with fairness, your child learns justice.
If your child lives with security, your child learns to have faith.
If your child lives with approval, your child learns to like himself.
If your child lives with acceptance and friendship, your child learns to find love in the world.

Honoring Parents is Honoring God

Whether we like it or not, everybody does have a biological mother and father, and this is something that cannot be denied. Admittedly, there are same-sex couples who are trying to change this, so children grow up with two male figures or two female figures, with one masquerading as the other gender, and the child not knowing who one, or both, of their biological parents may be. Adopted children in heterosexual relations often are raised without knowing who their biological parents are. When they realize this is the case, children who are adopted desire to know who are their biological parents. This appears to be a natural yearning for children who have been separated from their biological parents, in particular, their mothers. Every person has this inner need, it appears, to acknowledge his or her parents from whom each one has received his or her body and soul.

For children not to honor their father and mother means they are disrespectful to God. Jesus made this point when noting that the religious leaders of his day insisted that giving the offering to the temple took precedence over supporting a person’s parents.

Then he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition! For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must surely die.’ But you say that if anyone tells father or mother, ‘Whatever support you might have had from me is Coban’ (that is, an offering to God)—then you no longer permit doing anything for a father or mother, thus making void the word of God through your tradition that you have handed on” (Mark 7:9-13).

As a young Christian, I was becoming known as a generous giver at the congregation I was attending. God spoke to me through the above passage of Scripture and challenged me to give to my parents what I was giving to the treasurer of the church. (There was no collection plate; all offerings were given to the treasurer.) I obeyed what I believed God was saying to me.[vii] In doing so, I fell short of the treasurer’s expectations and, later on, as it so happened, out of his favor.

The Promise of Long Life

At the beginning of the Second World War, Victor Frankl made the decision to forgo traveling to the USA to develop his life’s work in preference to honoring his elderly parents and stay with them in Austria. This he did because of a tile his father had rescued from a synagogue that had been burned to the ground by Hitler’s political party. The tile contained the letter for the fifth word of the Decalogue. “You shall honor your parents that your life will be long in the land that the Lord your God gives you.” Amazingly, when truckloads of Jews, like cattle, were being slaughtered en masse, Victor survived a harrowing seven years of German persecution and imprisonment and lived another fifty-nine years from the day of his decision. He died September 2, 1997, as testament to the truth of this fifth word from God.

The honoring of one’s parents is very important in the eyes of God. However, there is a difference between honoring God over our parents, and not doing the will of God by meeting the needs of our parents, if they have a need, and it is within our power to meet that need. Jesus did say that those who do the will of God are His mother, brother and sisters. He also said that if any one love mother or father more than Him, that person is not worthy of Him. This may seem contradictory, but when we see the completed jigsaw puzzle, it makes sense to honor the Creator before the created.

A rich young ruler confronted Jesus, who claimed he kept all the commandments from his youth, and had honored his father and mother. He wanted to know what he must do to enter eternal life.  We read:

“Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing, go and sell all you have and distribute to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven, then follow me.’ Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions” (Mark 10:21-22).

It is one thing, to honor our parents but another to honor God and our parents at the same time. God will give us twice as much as we might think we deserve, if we honor both Him and our parents.

The fifth commandment comes with a promise that if we honor our father and mother in the Lord, all will be well for us, and our days will be long in the land that the Lord God gives us. It is God’s will that we prosper in all things and be in health, just as our soul prospers (3 John 1:2). More than this, God also promises us land of our own. However, nowadays it is probably better to use the word “property” rather than land, because in today’s world, people live in large cities, and wealth is not quite a matter of herds and land, but more businesses, shares, dwellings and commercial or industrial premises. The principle is the same; it is just the commodities have changed, because the nature of the society has changed from a rural culture and agriculturally based economy to an urban culture and technologically based economy.

The fifth commandment does not conspicuously address how people are to be raised (although, this is implied); rather the responsibility of each person to honor their father and mother and, in doing this, each one will honor God; as in the case of the Rechabites, who were acknowledged by the Father in Heaven (Jeremiah 35:18-19). Nonetheless, it is obvious from other Scriptures that parents have a responsibility in raising their children, even if they are not explicitly mentioned here. Moreover, it is suffice to say, parents should not provoke their children (that is, cause them to be angry or resentful), which suggests that parental behavior plays an important part in raising children. 

The fifth commandment points to God in that every person can be traced back as having come from the first man and woman whom God created (cf. Luke 3:38).  God is the One Who is the Father of life and the Source of life. Our lives exist, humanly speaking, because of our parents, but we all exist because God created the first man and woman; thereby creating us. While the first human beings knew God as their Creator, we do not—unless we seek Him out. If we have no respect for our parents because they are our parents, then it might seem impossible for us to have any respect for God. However, as with the case of Brian, who challenged God and put his mother before the Almighty, parents ought not to come between their children and the Author of Life.

Our parents are not mentioned in the fifth commandment as providing the land—God is! The Lord God simply requests that we are to honor our parents for what they have done in providing for our needs as children, but not to put them on a pedestal and commit the sin of idolatry, by putting them before the Almighty Creator, in Whom Alone dwells immortality.  God Alone is the Only One worthy to be worshiped. Jesus said that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. However, true life is not the way of the world, because this world is enshrouded in death, whereas reality is eternal and transcends our understanding of biological life.

The Second Birth

We tend to see things from a biological perspective and overlook the true reality of life—our spirituality. God is the Creator of the spirit that He places in us at birth. As spiritual beings within biological bodies, God is really our eternal Father, in the sense that without God, we would not exist. Just as Adam and Eve were designed as tripartite beings, so are we designed as tripartite beings, obtaining our bodies and souls from our parents and our spirits from God. The difference is we are not placed into the Garden of Eden; we are placed into a world that is ruled by sin and death.

The similarity between Adam and Eve and us does not just end with God being the Creator of the spirits that are placed within us, which provide the ability for us to think and make our own decisions. Adam and Eve still had to eat of the Tree of Life, if they were to live forever. Unfortunately, they chose to eat of the tree that leads to death and rejected God’s word as binding. We, too, have to eat of the Tree of Life, if we are to live forever. Only, this is now known as being born from above, or being born of the Word of God; that is, being born again. This is our choice. As Jesus said to Nicodemus,

 “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?”
Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.  Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’  The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” (Jn 3:3-8).

While we are to honor our Earthly parents as expressed in this fifth commandment, the truth is we really need to be born of God, if we are to truly honor God and leave death behind to enter LIFE.

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[i] Another view is the first three commandments relate to God, the next five relate to human dealings and the last two relate to a person’s private thoughts---although it is impossible to bear false witness against your neighbor in your private thoughts.

[ii] Otherwise known as the paddle for straightening one’s direction, or the cane that administers the lesser pain, rather than the painful reality that grows from the sting of death.

[iii] Disobedience usually results from psychological issues during child development that are formed as a consequence from unhealthy parent/child relationships, however, corporal punishment in the form of the rod of correction may be needed at times (sparingly) to bring a sense of reality in order to gain the child’s attention.

[iv] True shepherds have the concerns of the flock at heart. They do not abuse and use church members for personal gain.

[v] Long - Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect. Child Welfare Information Gateway. Washington, D.C. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006.

[vi] When growing up, my parents disappointed me, so I adopted two significant others as my parents. These two people did not know each other, but within my mind, I considered one my mother and the other my father. This gave me a sense of self-esteem that was otherwise lacking.

[vii] Upon reflection, it was as if God was seeing whether I would honor my biological parents, having substituted them with two other people as my father and mother within my mind.