Chapter Eight The Mystery of Marriage

Chapter Eight

The Mystery of Marriage

 The Seventh Commandment

“You shall not commit adultery”—Exodus 20:14.

A Difficult Commandment for Many

This is a very straightforward commandment. Nobody is to commit adultery. However, like all the other commandments, this is a wide-ranging commandment. The Ten Commandments are a succinct version of what is required to live forever and can be easily understood. Once we are aware of what is required by the commandment, then quoting it in a succinct form is all that is needed to remind us of its significance—providing our abbreviated version is not misleading.

This commandment presents difficulties for many people for different reasons. The simple understanding of this commandment is probably the best, but there is a vast discrepancy between experience in this world and what might be the ideal. Just to say this commandment applies to people who are married and requires them to copulate and make love with their marriage partner for life is deceptive. For this implies that pre-marital love affairs or acts of copulation are permissible and are not prohibited by this commandment. Such a view as this can open up a can of worms when it comes to issues regarding those people who have been disenfranchised sexually because of physical disabilities or having been abused and forsaken.

Some will argue that it is a self-righteous view to say people should accept their lot in life and live a celibate existence if they suffer from physical disabilities and other issues.  For instance, from a humanistic viewpoint, there are clearly mitigating circumstances for providing prostitutes for the disabled. The argument is that while it is fine for those of us who are not affected by any of these issues and are in a stable marriage where there is fantastic chemistry, not everybody is so fortunate, and allowances need to be made. 

The humanist view and the biblical view on sexual relations are diametrically opposed to each other. The biblical view is very much an ideal for humans to seek. Those who seek to live in accordance with the biblical ideal are often belittled because of their quest and their stance in holding to the biblical injunction of no sex before marriage and, when married, one partner of the opposite sex for life. Unfortunately, due to circumstances that are outside of the individual’s control, the ideal is not always attainable or capable of being upheld. In which case, biblical idealism does not always fit well with reality. Consequently, the reality is such that hypocrisy seems to abound among people claiming to be living the biblical ideal, while their minds feed on the practices of the ungodly.

What many people do not seem to understand is true religion is the quest for the truth and not just a quest for a humanistic ideal that is subject to change. The truth is not an unattainable ideal and does not vary according to circumstances. The facts of a situation may vary, but not truth itself. The truth is everlasting reality; the very principle of life upon which everything exists. Even though the circumstances of a situation can change the reality of a person’s quest for the biblical ideal, it is still a truism that needs to be upheld as much as possible even in our weaknesses. For when unavoidable circumstances change reality, this does not negate the biblical ideal, even when mitigating circumstances are taken into account, as in the case of an unavoidable divorce or other unforeseen issues. However, in today’s world, the concept of mitigating circumstances is pervasive, and far too many people claim that circumstances out of their control are responsible for even such things as sexual deviation. For it is one thing for a physically disabled person to claim they were born that way, but another matter for a physically healthy person to claim that their sexual deviation is inborn rather than chosen.

Gender Problems

The issue of gender and biological function presents a major dilemma when it comes to the hermaphrodite. People challenge God and ask why the boy is a girl, or why the girl is a boy. By appearances, the hermaphrodite could be either sex. Often it comes down to a natural adjustment for the hermaphrodite to conform to his or her reproductive capacity.[i] It is never a case of the hermaphrodite being the opposite gender in the wrong body. Life is full of paradoxes and the many contradictions do become confusing.

Unfortunately, professionals and clinicians have a tendency to play God and often make decisions on behalf of children. A case in point is the much-publicized life of the now deceased, Canadian-born David Reimer. Unable to urinate normally as an eight-month baby, a urologist botched the boy’s circumcision. It was decided to castrate David and raise him as a girl. This proved to be traumatic for the child who always believed he was male and not female. Culturalization and indoctrination do not override the natural genetic biological determination of a person’s gender. In David Reimer’s case culturalization and indoctrination certainly failed, for he grew into an adult knowing within himself that he was biologically a male.

South African born Caster Semenya is a woman athlete who looks very much like a male. She was banned by authorities from running in women’s events. However, subsequent tests proved her genuine feminine biology and her right to enter women’s athletic events was reinstated. Caster has always known she was physiologically female.

The truth is that biologically and physiologically we are predisposed to be either male or female regardless of the amount of testosterone or estrogen our body develops. Unfortunately, there are children who become uncertain about their gender because they are raised within a maladjusted psychological environment. Consequently, these individuals think they should have been a member of the opposite sex, contrary to their natural biology, and claim they are the opposite gender trapped in the wrong biological body.  Rather than seeking to address their unnatural psychological predilection, these individuals demand that they have a right to unnatural sexual activities, and even demand surgery to change their gender. Surgeons perform the cosmetic operations even though a transgender can never be truly male and produce spermatozoa, nor truly female and ovulate.

The gender issue is something I myself had to grapple with as a thirteen year old. My mother repeatedly said that I should have been a girl, and she wished that I had been a girl. Consequently, by the age of thirteen, I found myself questioning whether I should really be a male. Even though I was not a Christian, a spiritual battle was taking place within my mind. It took three years to settle completely the internalized dispute that had surreptitiously entered my thinking because of another person habitually expressing misguided notions about her disappointment regarding my gender. Once I had finally resolved the doubts that had been implanted within my mind, I was absolutely convinced my biological gender was genetically predetermined. Psychologically, I needed to accept this in order to be authentic and true to myself. Even as a non-Christian mixing with homosexuals, I realized that I had a choice, and I chose not to be homosexual.

Our gender is predetermined genetically, regardless of how much testosterone or estrogen is predominate within us. Gender is about reproductive capabilities and not hormonal tendencies.

Steven was an effeminate looking and dainty nineteen year old when I met him. He was declared to be a queer throughout his school years. He was victimized, ostracized and bullied because of his physical appearance. Eventually, Steven got married to a girl with whom he went to school. When I last saw Steven and his wife, they had five children. He still possessed femininity, even though he is definitely a natural biological male who has fathered five children.  Fortunately, for Steven he was approved for being a boy as a child by his parents and grew up in a stable family environment that enabled him to be authentic to his true biological self as predetermined by his genes.

The French existential philosopher and sporadic ad hoc lover of Marxist Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir claimed, “One is not born a woman, one becomes one.”

Many professionals propound social grooming as the reason why gender differences exist. Feminists, in particular, attempt to rationalize their ungodly beliefs according to this belief; rather than accepting chromosomes and genes are the determining factors when it comes to gender. The likes of Steven, David Reimer and myself testify to the underlying biological predisposition of our reproductive capacity and thereby our gender. Social conditioning cannot override our natural chromosomal inheritance. Gender is therefore God ordained, and to reject this is to reject God. Claims by homosexuals, lesbians, transsexuals, transgenders and other deviants that they are the wrong gender have no substance, since each one’s physiology is predetermined. Our personal authenticity is found in our self-realization of this truth.

We have free will and are given many choices in life. The only thing that is predetermined is our gender—whereas diet can affect our physique—but to deny our natural physiology is to deny our natural right to be authentic. If a male is dissatisfied with his gender, he can always become a eunuch. In fact, all vows of men to celibacy should be accompanied by castration, as this will resolve many problems for those desiring to dedicate themselves to being a monk. The value in being a eunuch appears to have been endorsed by Jesus:

“But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.’” (Matthew 19:11-12).

Biblical Inconsistencies

Major difficulties occur when it comes to reading the Bible and trying to grasp how there are prohibitions imposed upon people today by the church, yet within the Scriptures, there appears to be much contradiction. Many young women have been condemned over the centuries and consigned to a life of misery because they have had a child out of wedlock. Christian communities have ostracized many more women because they have been involved in an adulterous relationship. Yet there are cases of men having sexual relations with more than one woman in the Bible who have not been ostracized by their community. This in itself presents a problem when it comes to understanding how these men received favor in God’s sight. Two key figures who are cited very positively in the New Testament are the adulterers Abraham and David. Abraham fathered children to more than one woman and so did David. Both, in fact, were copulating with more than one woman and this can be only defined as extra-marital behavior. All this presents a quandary in trying to understand what is meant by the sin of adultery; what the prohibition covers and why the commandment exists, and what are the consequences for not adhering to the command.

The Definition of Adultery

An act of adultery can be performed by either the male or female partner of a marriage with another person outside of the relationship mentally or physically. Three features of adultery are commonly defined as:

1)       Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner of the opposite gender other than the lawful spouse;

2)       Extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations;

3)       Sexual intercourse between individuals who are not married at all.

The first definition of adultery is the simple view that accords with the command not to commit adultery that many people understand the prohibition covers; but within some circles, this definition is considered to permit lesbianism and homosexuality because they are not of the opposite gender.

The second definition is not a godly one, but a secular version of adultery that refers to people being unfaithful to the marriage contract irrespective of sexual liaisons.  These marriage contracts are more about psychological, financial and reputational issues rather than a brief sexual act with another person other than one’s marital partner. In other words, extramarital sex is acceptable, as long as each marriage partner is discrete and keeps the couple’s social reputation intact; there is no psychological stress placed on the marital relationship, and there are no costly financial consequences.

The third definition identifies a feature of adultery that extends beyond the marital relationship to pre-marital sexual relationships or acts of copulation, which many people claim to be too restrictive, but which homosexuals and lesbians claim permits them the right to be married.

In this discussion of the seventh commandment, among other things, we will see adultery is the act of giving oneself to another person after having giving oneself to one’s first partner of the opposite sex, and anything outside of a heterosexual relationship with one’s partner in life is anathema in the eyes of God. This is the case, even when only using our imagination.

In patriarchal societies, adultery is viewed as the fault of the woman and never the man. In fact, in some cultures only the woman can commit adultery. This is expressly the case among Muslims, because men are entitled to be married to four women at any time (although sultans and sheikhs have been known to have more, as well as numerous concubines), but women are not permitted to be married to more than one man ever. If a woman has sexual intercourse with another male other than the one she is married; she is considered an adultress, regardless of circumstances.  

Jesus: A Sin Applicable to Either Gender

Jesus turned the tables on any idea that the Jews might have had concerning adultery being something that only women could do. The sin of adultery is primarily to do with lusting after someone other than the one you are with, so to speak. As the song says:

 “Love the one you are with. Turn your heartache right into your joy. She’s a girl, and you’re a boy. Get it together, make it nice. Ain’t gonna need any more advice.”

Only we are talking about marriage, not a short summer romance; and what applies to the male, applies to the female. Lust of the heart is not gender specific.

Radical Jesus vs The Sexual Revolution

 The teachings of Jesus Christ were very radical. We might not think that Jesus was radical in his day. But as far as culture goes, his teachings are diametrically opposed to the ways of the world. The ways of the world have not changed much in two thousand years, except for technology and its (often many wrongly construed) benefits for modern man.

The free love society, or the Hippy Revolution of the 1960s, was all about the liberation of women’s sexuality: how they could copulate with men as much as they liked without fear of pregnancy. The pill liberated women from the fear of getting pregnant and so-called “free love” became the vogue—like never before in the history of humankind. Previously, many women would think twice about copulating with whoever happened along, because, if they got pregnant, this would mean having to raise an unwanted child—or have an abortion.

This is not to say that abortions are not commonplace today—they are. Only back in the nineteen sixties, the medical procedures were not as advanced as they are today and legislation did not permit abortion so freely. In fact, in many places, abortion was illegal and people would have to resort to backyard abortion clinics, which meant not only was there a health risk involved, there was also a criminal risk. Besides, backyard abortions were nowhere as clinically clean and as efficient as they are in the day-clinics available these days. In addition, the cost of having an abortion was more than what many people were prepared to pay. These days, in many countries, people can have an abortion and medical insurance companies or the government will pay the costs.

In the days of Jesus, crude forms of contraception methods were used to prevent women from getting pregnant, but abortion was rarely practiced. Instead, infanticide was the preferred method of getting rid of an unwelcome child—as archaeologists have discovered. The remains of public bathhouses from that period have been excavated and, in particular, many skeletons of newborn baby boys have been discovered at these sites. Further investigation has revealed that these premises were used to house women in cell-like rooms that suggest such places were used for prostitution. The Yewden Villa excavations at Hambleden in 1912 uncovered 92 baby skeletons. The conclusion is that during the Roman times, slave girls were bred for the purpose of prostitution, especially for the benefit of the Roman soldiers, when away from home doing service for Caesar.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Celibacy is something that was preserved for eunuchs and certain religious persons, not something that was expected of soldiers. In fact, the Roman Army is on record having provided military prostitutes for soldiers. Venereal disease—named after Venus, the Roman goddess of lustful love—now known as STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) was a common problem.  Venereal disease is the result of promiscuous copulation among human beings. It has been recorded throughout history that when left untreated venereal disease has deadly consequences. .

Paul the Apostle, in the first chapter of Romans, writes about the foolishness of human beings forsaking the Creator God and worshiping their own creations and being caught up in their own sexual lusts. He says such people receive within their own bodies due punishment as a penalty for their error and wicked ways. This penalty is a reference to venereal disease. Gonorrhea and its many similar strains have been the most common among heterosexuals, but those who practice sodomy are more inclined to receive the more serious disease syphilis, which sends people blind. These two diseases are effectively treated today,[ii] and venereal disease does not raise the same specter of fear that it did before the discovery of penicillin, when syphilis was known to bring about blindness.  Consequently, men and women have been able to copulate promiscuously without too much fear of being seriously ill. In fact, the members of the music group “The Beatles” are on record as having had to have numerous treatments of penicillin for venereal disease during the sixties.

The Advent of Penicillin 

While penicillin has been able to overcome syphilis and gonorrhea, it does not work on herpes simplex 2 or AIDS (auto immune deficiency syndrome); the latter is caused by the HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) and is more easily transferred through sodomy than through biologically natural heterosexual copulation. Herpes simplex 2 is the transfer of the cold sore virus from the mouth to the genital region, where it becomes a recurring reminder of the pain of promiscuity for those who contract the virus and, once having contracted it, pass it on to those with whom they copulate when the virus is active.

The threat of venereal disease is one reason why people are better off not being promiscuous and learning to understand what is covered by this commandment “not to commit adultery”. God has provided for the welfare of all men and women and wants to provide much happiness in life for all to enjoy. This commandment can be taken at face value and not broken to the benefit of all; but, sadly, and tragically, too many people are disregarding God’s warning not to transgress His commandments to their own misfortune and peril.

Auto Immune Deficiency Syndrome

There is much that is publicized about how AIDS is not just the domain of homosexuals, and that it can be transferred by contaminated hypodermic needles, to a child during pregnancy and at childbirth through breast-feeding or exposure to any bodily fluids, especially blood. It is not just anal sex that is responsible for the transference of AIDS, apparently people can get it from heterosexuals having oral sex and the exchange of fluids through prolonged kissing—verifiable evidence of vaginally contracted AIDS is non-existent. While it may be true that AIDS can be passed through the vaginal walls of a woman—though less likely—when it comes to intercourse, anal intercourse is more likely to spread the virus because of the nature of the anal walls. In any case, the anus is not designed for sexual intercourse. In order to prevent the contracting of venereal diseases and their transference to others, it makes sense that God has given this commandment regarding extra-marital relationships.

Rights and Chastity in Marriage

In France, a controversial case of a man getting married to a woman who claimed she was chaste, but was not, caused a public outcry by women activists when the courts permitted the annulment of the marriage on the grounds of the woman’s deception. The feminists claimed that this was a step back into the dark ages, when women were treated as chattel and not people with volition and equal rights.

Historically, it may seem that women have been treated as second-class citizens, but this is not what God intended. God has provided a means by which women’s rights can be respected. Feminists need to understand that God created women with a biological difference to men for a special reason. Firstly, Eve was created to be a helpmate for Adam, and secondly, to have the privilege of being a mother. A biologically natural mother is not a surrogate, but a woman who is intimately and physically attached to her child from conception to birth—even more, until a mother weans her child.

God did not create the woman first, then many men with the idea that she could sleep around with whomever she pleased and have an abortion when her contraceptive devices failed. Babies are to be a joy! Babies should be the fruit resulting from intimate expressions of love. Babies are not designed to be cast away like used tampons because they are unwanted byproducts of a few frenzied seconds of passionate relief.

Unfaithfulness in Marriage

Being unfaithful in marriage is like being an idolater. Idolatry, or breaking faith with God, occurs when someone or something else comes between our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and the relationship is no longer as heartfelt. Likewise, when a man and woman get married the same deal occurs. If there is no heartfelt relationship, then there is not going to be much two-way communication and there is not going to be any meaningful freedom of expression.

People who have a relationship with another person before they are married are unable to give themselves one hundred percent to their marriage partner. While people, who have had a relationship, but are happily married, may dispute this, the truth is every relationship requires a giving of oneself in some manner. The spiritual realm of our existence is not like the material realm where we see exactly what it is that we are giving away. For instance, teenagers often are caught up in idealistic infatuation, and this is usually called “puppy love”. Infatuation is often mistaken for love; it tends to be shallow; even when it seems reciprocal, as in the case of puppy love. Nonetheless, most people get over it, but there is always a little memory in the back of the mind that can come back, and this means that a total giving of oneself cannot be given to a life partner, irrespective of what a person might feel. This implies that something is given away even with seemingly innocent puppy love. Once something is given away of ourselves, it cannot come back; just as pebbles tossed onto the water disappear and do not return. Therefore, the deeper, the more intense, and the longer the relationship, the more of yourself will be given to the other person. When this relationship fractures, you lose something of yourself and experience grief that corresponds to the depth of the loss. 

The First Partner Problem

Besides premarital relationships, one reason divorce rates skyrocket for people who get remarried is they tend to bring their previous partners into the marriage by referring to them all too frequently.

One remarried pastor, I met, slept in a separate bedroom to his wife. There is nothing wrong with this. Sleeping arrangements have nothing to do with lovemaking in marriage. In their case, they had a spare room, and he was an insomniac. He would stay up most of the night reading and writing. Although, there is always the exception to the rule, but as is often the case, where there is smoke, there is fire. Eventually, I learned the truth. Their church was struggling to survive, it virtually existed in name only, and things were not going too well for them. The pastor blamed his wife for many things, but especially because she was the one who instigated the move to separate rooms. The reason for the separate rooms became obvious when I was in their presence long enough to hear the way the pastor talked about his ex-wife. What he did not realize is that he had bought her into his second marriage, and his second wife resented her and put her in the spare room with her husband.

This is a major problem for those who have multiple relationships. A life partner has the right to feel, and needs to feel, that he or she is the only one in the relationship—not one of many, or the other one.

Multiple relationships not only mean that we are giving something away, but also we are taking something away from the other person.

What are known as soul ties with previous connections need to be severed for meaningful relationships to grow. Soul ties are psychological hooks that attach us to other people. When we are intimately involved with other people, this is when we are the most vulnerable towards establishing soul ties. In the spiritual realm, there is a uniting of souls when there is a uniting of the flesh, and this is where the connections are established. There is nothing wrong with having our souls knitted together providing the relationships are pure. It can happen between two very close friends, as in the case of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1). However, our souls can knit with other people when we have relationships that may not be as deep and rich as a committed and loyal friendship. This appears to be the case if we are sexually involved with another person.

Apostle Paul on Sexual Relationships

Paul, the apostle, wrote that when a man copulated with a prostitute, he becomes united to the prostitute. Evidently, within the act of copulation, something of ourselves is imparted to the other person involved, and this is reciprocated. This is similar to giving ourselves to the Lord God, when we unite with the Spirit of God.

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.  Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!  Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”  But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.  Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own” (1 Corinthians 6:13b-19).

A Helper for Man

When God created man, the Bible informs us that He looked for a helper for him. God considered all the animals, but none was suitable. God decided to create another human being instead from the flesh of man. The ancient Jewish Rabbis taught that because God did not create Eve from Adam’s head, a woman was not to rule over man. Eve was not created from Adam’s feet, so that he might trample her rights under foot. Rather, the woman was created from the rib covering the man’s heart, so they might be endeared to each other.

Abuse of Women and the Feminist Movement

Unfortunately, in the relationships between men and women, there is a tendency towards abuse rather than appreciation of each other. In many societies, women are abused and treated as if they are unwanted chattel, and worse than slaves; at least, slaves are said to have some value, but women are often treated as worthless beings who have no more value once they have given birth to a child and raised it.

When such disrespect for human life is evidenced in the atrocious treatment of women, it is no wonder that movements such as the Feminist Movement arise when conditions are favorable. Not that women seeking power is a modern-day phenomenon—it is not. There are matriarchal societies found in various locations around the world that have existed for centuries. In general, however, most communities treat women with respect, even if there are individual cases of abuse.

God’s Plan: A Relationship Triangle

God originally intended the woman to complete the relationship between Himself and man. This is evidenced in a number of texts in the Bible. The first chapter of Genesis says that God created man—male and female, He created them. The first chapter of Genesis simply states what God did, whereas the second chapter gives an explanation as to why God created a woman to help man rather than any of the other beasts. Essentially, no beast was found capable of completing the relationship—not even a dog, which is supposedly man’s best friend.  Desiring something extraordinary and giving man freewill, we learn God said:

 “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:26-28 NKJV).

Here we see that for God to create Man in His own image, He needed to create more than one being, even though God Himself is One. However, there is a plurality in God, as the Scripture refers to Him not in the singular but in the plural. God uses the terms, “Us” and “Our”. And when God talks of Man, He refers to the Man using the plural term “them”. So for Man to reflect the image of God there needed to be more than one person, yet those persons had to be the same, although different. Paul, the apostle, refers to this as a great mystery. The man and the woman were one flesh, but they were also individuals. They could make their own decisions as they so desired. They could be faithful to each other or unfaithful. In having this power, they were like God. As offspring of Man, we are no different.

 The Mystery of This Union

 It is a mystery how God can be One and yet at the same time be more than one—this is not a church dogma. The Bible teaches that God is One, yet more than one. That God has a Son is not only New Testament teaching, but, surprisingly, this is confirmed also in the Jewish writings. We read in the book of Proverbs, chapter thirty, verse four, that the question is asked whether the reader not only knows the name of God, but also the name of His Son. In the book of Philippians, we read that this Son chose to come down to Earth and live life as a man:

 “Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:5-8 NRSV).

The Reality of This Mystery

For us this appears to be an incomprehensible mystery, how the Godhead can consist of more than one individual, yet be One. However, what we need to know is that God is faithful, and the Father and Son are the One and the Same. As Jesus Himself said that to see Him is to see the Father (John 14:9). In a similar way, even though a man and a woman may be different in appearance, to see either one is to see a human being, with a spirit, a soul and body. When a man and woman commit to each other, this brings about a union of themselves; they are no longer two but one, even though they are individuals. No longer can they be living for themselves, they are living for each other and the common good of both. To break this commitment is to commit adultery, that is, to break faith.

The Unfortunate Example of Celebrities

Unfortunately, where there is a lack of appreciation of what the union of a man and a woman means, breaking faith is neither here nor there in the minds of many. Celebrities are notorious for breaking faith with each other. Those who long to be a celebrity see nothing wrong in following their example. Even those who adore celebrities see nothing wrong in following their example of unfaithfulness, because these are the people admired by the masses; they have become the role models of the westernized world. Consequently, the divorce rate has soared, and people see no meaning in keeping their word any more. They just cannot be trusted. Yet, ironically, all these sad and lonely souls hope that somebody might love them and give them a better life; only they are looking to the wrong people, in the wrong places, and in the wrong direction. 

The Deleterious Effect of College Culture

One problem that presents itself for many children raised in God-fearing homes in the USA occurs when they go to college. At college, they are exposed to a culture that is all about experimenting with drugs, sex, and hedonistic living. The prevalent philosophy is that college provides these students with a window of opportunity to have fun and indulge in a little experimentation that will close once they graduate and get jobs and start looking for somebody with whom to settle down. This phenomenon is not just restricted to USA, but is common among all cultures where young people are exposed to secular, or non-religious and godless values.

When a person gets away with something once, the second time becomes more tempting, and eventually a pattern develops. When people have a fear that they might contract venereal disease (or have a pregnancy) as the result of copulating, there is less likelihood of them indulging in the act. Once this fear is removed, most people tend to be more inclined to copulate with less discernment. How much more convenient if it can be demonstrated that there is no pregnancy or disease occurring from a short-term monogamous relationship or, if a person does contract some disease, it can be easily fixed by some medical remedy.

Sometimes people attach a religious connotation to contracting venereal diseases, and this prevents some wanton people from having extra-marital sexual relations. When people view venereal disease as no longer the result of God’s direct personal punishment, religious inhibitions are cast off. This usually occurs once individuals learn that sexually transmitted diseases can be easily prevented using a prophylactic device such as a condom or, if contracted, readily cured by antibiotics. The idea of morality and sexuality having common ground suddenly is considered to be some kind of oxymoron that has something to do with the sound of silence—but unbeknown to the sexually liberated this is the deafening silence of a seared conscience and the enlightenment that Jesus referred to as darkness (cf. 1 Tim 4:2; Matt 6.23).

These days, immorality has become the new morality—with over forty percent of women interviewed in one survey claiming they engage in sex on their first date[iii] (according to many of their peers, not to do so is now considered immoral)—because these starved souls perceive there is no major immediate perpetuating consequence from promiscuity. What they do not realize is copious copulation with many members of the population that is free from disease is tantamount to Bonny and Clyde believing robbing banks is good fun because they were yet to be caught.[iv]  Or, put another way, it is a delight to sin as long as we cannot see God watching us. Indeed, the signs are clear: as in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, so shall it be at the return of the Son of Man.—Christian, get excited! Jesus is coming soon! Just make sure you are ready with ears to hear (Revelation 10:4).

The Scientific Perspective

The scientific view is based on the evolutionary premise everything is changing. This premise suggests that there are no absolutes; therefore, what might be considered immoral by one society, may not be considered immoral by another society. Temple prostitutes were deemed to be part of the social fabric of many ancient religions where fertility gods were worshiped. Among the writings of the Abrahamic religions, which include Judaism, Christianity and Islam, prostitution is prohibited and considered an immoral act.

Feminism

Feminists are divided on the issue because, while on the one hand prostitution is seen as women being subservient to men, on the other hand, there are those who see prostitution in the same way as feminists view the right to abort unwanted babies. These people believe every woman has the right to be a prostitute if she so decides to earn a living in that manner, just the same as every woman has the right to kill a fetus. To feminists and prostitutes, killing an unwanted fetus is not the same as murder, because it is not yet a separate, living, breathing, being. A fetus is considered to be merely the unwanted by-product of an act of copulation—some may even justify killing a fetus, because to them, such an act is not as barbaric as the infanticide that has been practiced in most societies worldwide, not to mention religious orders. Whatever the case, many view unwanted children as an expendable inconvenience resulting from enjoying unbridled sexual activity, or an unexpected expense, as when a prostitute forgets or decides not to use contraception

The Moral Philosophy

The more we look into the reasons this commandment outlawing adultery exists, what becomes obvious is there are other moral issues that hinge on having moral sexual integrity and learning to share one’s body only with a lifelong partner in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. The mere fact that feminists are in disagreement over whether a woman has the right to sell her body, just demonstrates how distorted morality has become.

Prostitutes, not enslaved to criminals, claim they have the right to sell their body and this does not make them second-class women. The fact that they choose to sell their bodies has nothing to do with how they are treated by men. These prostitutes claim they have the right to make a living from performing sexual acts, the same as feminists seek to make a living by climbing the corporate, government and academic ladders.

Women who choose to remain true to their natural biological status, and become mothers to complete their womanhood, have not sold out to being downtrodden by men, as feminists like to claim. Rather these women are fulfilling the role that God has given them; especially wives and mothers who find fulfillment in bearing and rearing their children, not as second-class citizens, but as individuals who are honored of God. Interestingly, the Word of God says that women are saved through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15)—this is, of course, providing that mothers continue in faith, love, holiness and self-control.

Lesbian and Homosexual Relationships

It might be argued that two lesbians, or two homosexuals, living together in a monogamous relationship are living according to the requirements of this commandment. This might be a valid argument if they were able to reproduce of themselves, without having to use the sperm or ovum of a third person. The truth is that God did not ordain these relationships. Those who engage in same-sex relationships do so as an offence to God. The Bible is very clear about this:

“Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting” (Romans 1:22-28 NKJV).

The Issue of Unfaithfulness

At the heart of committing adultery is the issue of unfaithfulness. However, adultery is also about two people copulating in an unnatural manner and having unlawful sexual intercourse in the eyes of God. This commandment, in its fullest sense, covers everything that is contrary to a natural and ordained union of a man and a woman in the eyes of God. This raises some issues where the commandment is broken in the Scriptures and God is silent on the matter; also, in the case of levirate marriages.

The Levirate Marriage and the Genetic Marker

The levirate marriage (Deuteronomy 25:5-10) is an issue of responsibility whereby if a man dies and leaves a widow, the man’s brother is to marry the woman and look after her as if she were his wife. The brother does not have to marry his sister-in-law, but it is to his shame if he does not do so. Evidently, when a man and a woman marry, the marriage is expected to produce children. These children will carry the name of the male member of the family. But there seems to be more to this, and genetic science has discovered that every man carries a marker (a genetic code) in his genes that can be traced back through the male ancestry and is passed on to his children. Therefore, not only is the consummation of the marital union a mystery that has to do with Christ and the Church, but also there appears to be some genetic marker that God wanted passed down among the Hebrew nation for some reason.

This genetic marker has been purportedly discovered among descendants of King Solomon, who had three hundred wives and seven hundred concubines, and sired numerous children from them all. The only way Solomon could have justified his many wives and concubines is by claiming that they were all virgins, and that he took full responsibility to keep them. Solomon could afford the upkeep of his wives and concubines, since he was the richest man to have ever lived—largely because he was able to tax all the commercial traffic from the East to the West and the North to the South, and vice versa, as it passed through the extended borders of the greater kingdom of Israel; literally controlling much of the known world.[v]

King David and His Son, Solomon

Solomon’s father, King David also committed adultery, and had more than one wife and a number of concubines. Yet David was declared to have a perfect heart before God. This creates a problem for many people today. How can David have more than one wife, plus a number of mistresses, commit adultery and have a perfect heart before God?

David meditated upon the law of God (Psalm 1). From meditating on the law of the Lord God, David gained insights and understanding about the truth of life and the Creator. Therein he found the keys to success. This is why David had a perfect heart before God, and why he was repentant and sought forgiveness for his sins. David loved God and approached Him with the right attitude of heart; not from fear of being punished, but believing the Heavenly Father to be merciful and full of loving kindness towards those who realize that all He really wants is a chance to prove Himself in their lives. David had done this on many occasions, and even though he sinned, he was quick to repent of his sin and ask for forgiveness, and then wait upon the Lord God.

Nonetheless, the sins of David were not left unpunished. He had family difficulties and was grieved by the actions of his children. Solomon also suffered from various vexations because of his large family. The book of Ecclesiastes bears testimony to the fact that Solomon realized that he would have been better off learning to love—and live only with—the wife of his youth, rather than suffer the vexations of mind that tormented him regarding the inheritance he would leave his large family. Whilst Solomon was wise when it came to the ways of the world and how to succeed on planet Earth, in his wisdom (i.e. hindsight) he eventually realized that God’s ways were not his ways, and the path of righteousness in the sight of the Lord is a better road to travel. Many people have a similar realization towards the end of their lives and experience deathbed repentance; while for others, their (would have made, if only) decisions are too late and turn into regret, when the Savior now becomes the Judge that they have just met.

Defacto Marriages

Being married to numerous women, and even having concubines as well, still exists today in various places. However, more commonplace is what is becoming known as the defacto marriage.

Defacto marriages are like a defacto government in that they are not considered legitimate because they are not legally established. These are also known as live-in relationships as opposed to casual relationships; although, in reality, these are casual relationships, even though they can last for years, even decades. Two people decide to live together as man and wife but do not want to make a legal commitment and get married.

People can decide not to establish a legal marriage for a number of reasons.  One reason is marriage is often considered an unnecessary financial burden, since there are associated costs with marriages that for low-income earners may be an impost.  As one thirty-six-year old woman who hoped to become a famous painter told me, the reason that she did not get married was the cost of the wedding. She preferred to save the money because marriage was merely about obtaining a piece of paper and did not really make any difference to how she and her partner felt about each other. At the time of her disclosure to me, she had been living with her partner for eleven years. However, I got the sense that she was a little dissatisfied with the relationship, and given the right circumstances, she would opt out; which brings us to the real reason people prefer defacto marriages to legal marriages.

In a defacto marriage, when it comes to moving on, this is easy to do. In fact, a fifty-four-year-old English-born acquaintance boasts to people that he has had five successful (short-term) defacto marriage relationships. There was no success in the relationships being lasting, and he is broke and jobless, so presumably, the success lies in that fact that he is still alive, not in jail and had not been rendered disabled. 

Commitment is generally the issue for not getting married rather than finances or any other reason. If two people are going to be committed to each other, then marriage ratifies that intention, and solemnizes the responsibilities of a couple’s commitment to look after each other and assume all necessary parental responsibilities.

Love Is Forever

There may be some plausible merit in not establishing a lawful marital relationship due to the distance and isolation of where one lives or because of financial issues. God requires all women to remain virgins until married, which means that all men are required to do the same, if they are to be obedient to their Heavenly Father. In the event, a man and a woman were to have premarital intercourse they are to be considered to have consummated the union and from that time on be married to each other:

“If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days” (Deuteronomy 22: 28-29).

 Premarital relations were forbidden back in Moses’ day and are not to be condoned now. There was no such thing as promiscuity or prostitution being tolerated or permitted then, and neither need it be tolerated now. Once a man and woman copulate, they are to be considered married, and if they then copulate with another partner, they have committed adultery. This means that anybody who has a premarital affair and then marries another is technically committing adultery and is judged by this commandment as guilty of being unfaithful. If you think that this is severe, Jesus even went on to say that anybody who has lustful thoughts towards another person commits adultery (Matthew 5:27-29)—and is liable to eternal punishment. More people are guilty of adultery than the obvious transgressors of this commandment. We can only thank our Heavenly Father for His forgiveness and grace, least when we point the finger, three more point back at us (the middle, ring and little fingers).

Divorce and Remarriage

One of the difficulties for people regarding the issue of divorce is what Jesus has stated in this passage of Scripture:

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”  He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,  and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery (Matthew 19:3-9).

The assumption here is that every man who gets married does so to a woman, and their marriage was preordained in Heaven. This thinking is fine if we are living in a society where the marriages are prearranged by the parents, who happen to be seeking God for the best marriage partner for their offspring. It is a well-known fact that in countries where arranged marriages are the expected norm, in most instances, the couples do not divorce and the arranged marriages remain intact unto death. Contrasted to this, western hedonism has led to a fifty percent divorce rate among marriages, with the rate climbing for each subsequent marriage. The evidence points to arranged marriages being extremely beneficial in cultures where the family unit is seen as an important uniting factor for binding societies together. The evidence really points to God having ordained that the union of a man and woman to be the nucleus of society, the very heart from which the benefits of human relationships spring.

Sin is the weapon Satan can use against God. This is because for anything to be constructed or anything meaningful to be established, there is a need for principles and truth; that is, order. Without laws, there is no order. Sin is lawlessness (1 John 3:4); a refusal to honor that which is good, right and true. Whenever we sin—violate the covenant of grace—Satan has the right to prevent us from receiving or entering into God’s blessing.

When Joshua was about to lead Israel to take possession of the Promised Land they were defeated at Ai. God told Joshua that Israel had sinned because His covenant with them had been violated. Joshua began to seek for the offenders by starting with the tribes, then the clans, then the households, and, finally, the family of Achan was found to be the offending party. The nuclear family of Achan was destroyed because of the sin they committed (Joshua 7:1-26). This demonstrates how important that the integrity of each nuclear family (a man and wife and their children) is to a healthy law-abiding society as a whole.

What escapes the attention of many are the Scriptures that have veiled truths. When Jesus talks about “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder,” this is also a veiled reference to the Second Adam (1 Corinthians 15:45)—the resurrected Lord Jesus—and His Bride, which conforms to the eternal purpose of our Heavenly Father. Whereas the Bride of Christ is to be perfect and the relationship eternal, on Earth, sin is an issue which needs to be dwelt with and allowances have been made.

God in His grace has allowed people to get divorced and to remarry, but this is not where the greatest blessing is to be found and neither is this what God desires. God hates divorce, because it means the individuals are unwilling to face the truth about themselves and do not want to seek mercy and justice and show faith towards each other. When two people are not walking together and do not have the same commitment to the relationship, this creates difficulties that need to be resolved. When reconciliation is impossible, then divorce may be the best option; as the Bible says:

Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so (Amos 3:3 ERV[vi]).

However, everybody is given the chance to start again and God overlooks people’s ignorance. Although, if we know what is right to do, and we do not do it, we are guilty of sin and this needs to be dealt with, the same as King David had to deal with his sin regarding Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12:1-25). In today’s climate, when one party of a marriage relationship persistently sins against the other, there is a way out. Jesus stated that once a person refuses to reconcile after repeated efforts over time, that person could be excluded from your friendship, which means a marriage can effectively be dissolved. Jesus was making the point at the time about members of the congregation (Matthew 18:15-17). The principle applies to all relationships—and is evidenced when God issued a certificate of divorce to Israel for adultery (Jeremiah 3:8).

The Seventh Commandment is about protecting people from the many dangers of promiscuity. Not only are there dangers in contracting a venereal disease, such as vaginal, anal, penile or throat cancer from the human papilloma virus or other sexually transmitted disease, there are also psychological dangers that will affect people who do not learn how to form an intimate relationship. This inability for intimacy will prevent them truly loving each other in a marital union where two become one flesh. There are also the issues that occur when an unwanted pregnancy comes about.

One of the issues concerns teenagers who are not ready to be parents. I witnessed an example of this one summer evening. A teenage mother slammed a pram containing her young baby into a brick wall while cursing the newborn babe. The reason for her anger: her boyfriend had just left in a taxi with another teenage couple to have a night on the town. Only she could not join them because she now had a responsibility—evidently, her boyfriend thought he had none.

The Seventh Commandment reminds us of the need to keep the family unit intact and avoid the social consequences that occur when children start getting involved in blended families where there are half-brothers and half-sisters, step-brothers and step-sisters and step-mothers and step-fathers—or homosexual and lesbian live-in lovers of one of the parents or step-parents. Mixed families do not have the same cohesion that is possible within a nuclear family where the mother and father are able to instruct and guide their children with love and respect.

The Seventh Commandment expressly warns us against unfaithfulness and its consequences and emphasizes the importance of keeping faith with each other, so we can keep faith with God, Whom we cannot see. When people live with each other and have faith in each other, they are able to live in unity, and this is where God has commanded the blessing.

People, today, may see the seventh commandment as restrictive regarding whom (or, in some cases, what) they might like to sleep with, or gratify their carnal desires.  Little do they realize the greater blessings they would have in life, if they were to be truly blessed, by living a life of love in a monogamous relationship, whereby the Lord God is present to bless them through being united in the joy, peace, and love of the Holy Spirit.

When we get to Heaven, there is not going to be any marrying, but this does not mean we will lose our gender. Unlike our Earthly existence controlled by fleshly desires, our experience of pleasure will transcend anything possible from an Earthly perspective. In Heaven, an ever-growing feeling of euphoria in the presence of our Heavenly Father will supersede desires for gender expression. This experience can begin right now as we learn to allow Jesus to reign in our lives and tune into the Holy Spirit’s frequency, with an ear to hear, and be guided by Him into all truth as we learn to abide in what God has for us (1 John 3:24).

NEXT CHAPTER: Use Sidebar

---

[i] Human hermaphrodites are known as quasi-hermaphrodites that possess female and male genitalia but cannot self reproduce.

[ii] It is noted that there are a number of reports of an increase in syphilis among homosexuals since the last century.

[iii] Many singles looking for love, but not marriage. Sharon Jayson USA TODAY February 2, 2012

[iv] Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were killed by lawmen on May 23, 1934

[v] Much is made of the fact that Solomon began heavily taxing his own people, but his kingdom extended from the Euphrates River in the north to Egypt in the south, and safe passage of goods would have been an essential factor for merchants. The Queen of Sheba brought gold, precious stones, spices and camels to give to Solomon is an example of this. It is worth noting that Petra was built from taxing traveling merchants. Besides, Solomon also traded across the oceans, possibly South America (1 Kings 9:26-28; 1 Kings 10:22).

[vi] Easy-to-Read Version Copyright © 2006 by World Bible Translation Center.